Left Behind
31 December 2004
I gazed to the sky and found a star which shined so bright like a spotlight beaming on me. Then, I looked around and saw flashes of lights- blurred visions of faces. Some faces were familiar to me but some remained to be just faces. Nevertheless, they were all moving so rapidly that by simply watching them come from all directions made me nauseus.
I extended my arm to the highway of lights as one normally hails a cab. Nobody stopped. I frantically grabbed on to anything I saw hoping to get a piece of them so that I could say someday that they have been a part of me and I have been a part of them. To my dismay and disappointment, my hand returned nothing but air.
My sight becomes hazy. I closed my eyes and opened it again. Tears fell.
Now, it is clear. An ideal set-up: an acquaintance becomes a friend then a special friend. But in the real "crazy mixed up" world, an acquaintance could be a lover; a friend would just be a friend; and a special friend could be a secret enemy.
C'est la vie. People come and go.
I searched the sky for my star but it's no longer to be found. Dark clouds worsens the already gloomy night.
exhaled by milbenski at 9:44 AM
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peace and contentment
24 December 2004
"...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me-
put it into practice.
And the God of peace will be with you...
... I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength."(NIV)
Philippians 4: 5-13
Let us be reminded (most specially me) of these Words
if we feel anxious about the path we're pursuing or we plan to chase.
Let us pray for contentment in trying times like this
but it shouldn't refrain us from asking Him
the desires of our hearts.
God bless us, pips! :-D
exhaled by milbenski at 2:26 AM
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Hungry Young Puwets
22 December 2004
For the past two weeks, I have suffered from spiritual anorexia. I forcefully denied myself of nutritious meals but thrived on leftover and junk food alone. Now, I think I have ulcer.
Satan guffaws in victory but not too fast, cunning a**hole!
The desire to eat and be fed has not left me. I must admit though that it felt good to be bad once again- even if it was only in thoughts. All those nights I cried for help camouflaged in a smirk or a cackle but really didn’t want any aid or attention.
My stomach growls in starvation. I shall eat once more and hope that this time the joy endures forever.
Thanks for your SILENCE!
exhaled by milbenski at 12:42 AM
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LAMENTATION
12 December 2004
something I wrote before
which perfectly captures what I am feeling right now...
gloomy afternoon, september 26, 2004
room 5, guesthouse UCCP C.D.O.
Isang iglap, buhay ko'y nabalot ng kadiliman.
Nalaman ko na lamang na ako'y piniringan at
ninakawan ng kakayanang sumipat ng kagandahan.
Lumingon ako sa mga taong lumipas...
tila wala akong narating, maliban sa bangin.
Buhay kong walang saysay, napakasaklap!
Hiling kong makita muli ang kulay ng buhay.
Hiling na madama ang galak ng nakakakita,
nakaririnig, nakaaamoy, nakalalasa, nakadarama.
Parang awa mo na't buhayin ang nasang mabuhay.
Tulungan mo akong masilayan muli ang bahag-haring
PANGAKO ng MAYKAPAL
exhaled by milbenski at 1:25 PM
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Chopseuy
07 December 2004
Flashback: Before I started the trek anew, I have already gotten rid of the unnecessary baggage. I battled monsters. But I guess, as soon as I cleared some space, it was immediately filled up by new issues (or the old ones just mutated into something else).
Barely a month of my journey to Jordan but I am already catching my breath. No, the trip was not thorny- not even rocky. In fact, I was walking on rose petals most of the times. But something about those cold nights bit me and woke me from dreaming. In the stillness of the night, I found myself shivering… lost… and alone. Numbness was all over me.
I want to close my eyes—again— then, just hope for a shot of ecstasy (not the “pill”) to at least keep me from falling rock bottom—again.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sometimes, life just frustrates me. Why do I have to walk when I can fly?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The rain shall fall again tonight. And while the rain falls I shall run away and find solace in my solitude.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh, Lord, here I go again- an empty cup. Fill me with your overflowing love. Where are you?
exhaled by milbenski at 2:56 PM
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